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  • 情書大全

    家庭暴力男該反省

    分類:戀愛寶典瀏覽:23207

    打出來的老婆,揉出來的面,槍桿子里面出政權。不打不罵不自在,打是情,罵是愛。這句順口溜相信大家都聽過,時間的隧道早已敲響了21世紀的鐘聲,光陰的墻上早已掛上了2011年的日歷。可是,在男女平等的倡導愈來愈唱響中國、在婚姻生活的質量越來越受到重視的今天,帶有舊社會痕跡的家庭暴力現象卻依然在很多婚姻、家庭中存在著……

    有些男人,也許已具備五年、十年甚至二十年的婚姻資歷,但卻還是個婚姻的文盲,他們依仗著自己人高馬大、身強力壯,張口就罵,動輒就打,卻從未想過自己罵冷了妻子那顆柔弱的心,打傷了老婆的人格與自尊。

    無論社會進化到什么時代,無論女人如何自強自立,當一個女人把自己嫁給一個或深愛或不愛的男人時,她都會希望從此把這個以丈夫的身份常伴自己左右的男人,視為自己的大樹,當著自己的依靠,可往往令有些女人傷心、絕望的是,這個被自己敬為心目中的保護傘的男人,卻是那樣的不解風情,不知擔當,不懂責任,她們在外面不遭人罵,不被人打,回到家里,卻要被那個自己捧為最親的、同床共枕的男人粗口相罵,拳腳相加。她們委屈,她們傷心,她們憤慨:有事說事,有理講理,你憑什么動不動就開口罵人、動手打人?!殊不知,這些有暴力傾向的男人,他們的腦子里還泛濫著 “打出來的老婆、揉出來的面”的封建觀念,甚至振振有詞地聲稱:“打是親、罵是愛,不打不罵不自在”,“槍桿子里面出政權”!

    當然,我們也不得不承認,有些男人并非無緣無故地打女人、罵女人;不得不承認,有些女人不夠溫柔,不夠體貼,不夠賢慧,不夠檢點,甚至有的女人在外面對別人彬彬有禮、溫文而雅、風情萬種,可對自己的男人卻是一副惡狠狠的潑婦面孔,罵罵咧咧、惡語相向、喋喋不休,讓男人忍無可忍。但是,盡管“是可忍,孰不可忍”,無論女人有百個不對、千種不足,萬般過錯,男人以強欺弱,動手打人,都是不可取的,也是不可行――不能解決根本問題的。且不說打人的行為侵犯了人權,僅僅對女人心靈和情感的傷害,就足以為家庭的和睦、幸福種下陰影,足以讓夫妻感情日漸走向破裂,足以使自己的婚姻最終瀕臨崩潰。

    習慣對老婆施暴的男人,往往有兩種心理原因,一是報復心理,二是自卑心理,也有少數男人可能是自身強勢、厭惡對方或猜疑心理在作祟。可無論出于什么心理,“女人是用來疼的,老婆是用來愛的,而不是用來打、用來罵的”,如果還要我們來對某些男人強調這個淺顯的道理,進行這番多余的說教,也未免太令人悲哀了。正如現實生活中,人們聽到某某女人又被男人打了,便會憤憤不平地說:“都什么年代了,還打女人”一樣,都什么年代了,男人們的暴力傾向為什么還如此地頑固不化呢?其實,男人也好,女人也罷,都應該好好讀一讀戴爾.卡耐基先生的《人性的弱點》,尤其是其中關于“如何使家庭生活更快樂的原則”這一章節,至少我認為下面一段話是很令婚內的男人和女人們受教、受益的:

    蠻不講理是腐蝕愛情的毒瘤。每個人都知道這一點,但是我們對自己的親人,有時竟然比不上對待陌生人那樣有禮貌。

    我們絕不會想到要去打斷某個陌生人的話,說:“天那,你又搬出那些陳芝麻爛谷子的事來了!”如果沒有得到允許,我們絕不會拆開朋友的信,或者打聽他們的私人之事。但是我們卻敢對自己家里的人,也就是我們最親近的人,當他們犯了小錯時,羞辱責怪他們。

    非常令人吃驚,卻又千真萬確的一件事就是,惟一對我們說出那些刻薄難聽的、帶有侮辱性的話的人,正是我們自己家中的人。

    禮貌,是一種內存的品質,它可以彌補服飾和外表的缺陷,使那些比你優越的人也不敢小瞧你。

    對于婚姻來說,殷勤有禮就像機油對發動機一樣重要。

    所以,要使你的家庭保持幸福和快樂,請記住第六項原則:要有禮貌。

    “良言一句三冬暖,惡語傷人六月寒”,這是中國的一句古訓。以上戴爾.卡耐基先生強調的也只是禮貌和友善,指出的只是態度和語言上的不恭和刻薄,更何況是粗野的罵、粗暴的打呢?顯然是更加不可名狀、不可理喻,后果也將會更加“很城管”、很嚴重了。試想,我們對外人都不會輕易的動拳腳,卻怎么可以忍得了心、下得了手,揮動拳腳暴打自己最親近的妻子和愛人呢?

    說起來,我之所以靈感突發,決定寫這篇博文,是因為最近看了一篇短文,題為《有功夫的女人》,頗有感慨。人們常說:“好男不跟惡女斗”,而文中這位“有功夫的女人”,她卻是“好女不跟惡男斗”,她不僅會男人不會的武功,有男人不及的力氣,更有男人不如的智慧和修養,實在很令人敬佩,也很引人深思,發人深省。

    以文為鏡,以人文鏡。這位以柔克剛、“真人不露相、露相不真人”的女子,其大度、修養、智慧和溫柔,不僅令我們這些雖沒武功、卻懂“文道”、然操行修養尚欠火候的女人們敬仰、自省,也應該令諸位“文武兼備”的男人們有所思考、有所汗顏吧?那些號稱“打出來的老婆,揉出來的面”、“槍桿子里面出政權”,打罵老婆已成為家常便飯的“暴力男人”們,如果看了這篇文章后,是否會無地自容,有所反思、有所警醒、有所收斂呢?

    在此,我只希望如此,惟愿如此。愿那些有家庭暴力的男人們以此反思,好好對待自己的老婆

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